Birthday Wisdom

My husband, Dave brought the idea of birthday wisdom into my life. When celebrating someone’s birthday, he always asks them to share what he calls their birthday wisdom – some little nugget of truth or insight that they’ve gained during their last trip around the sun.

There have been some years that I struggled when asked to share my birthday wisdom. I had some self limiting beliefs that made it difficult for me to come up with something I deemed “wise” enough that I was willing to share about my year.

 But this year I had a lot to say. And this time there were no self limiting beliefs to hold me back. On the morning of my birthday I was journaling about my wisdom (in preparation for the big moment when I would be asked to share) and the thoughts just kept coming and coming. I not only had a nugget of wisdom to share, I had a wisdom essay! Being that we are in a pandemic, I didn’t get to share my wisdom with anyone except my husband and daughters. So, I decided I would share my top 3 pieces of birthday wisdom for this year with you. I hope you enjoy =)

Wisdom #1 – Mindset is everything.

The way I choose to think about things really makes a difference. No matter what happens in my life, the way I think about it and react to it will determine my experience. I may have no control over outside events, but I do get to choose my thoughts and my reactions. While I sort of knew that before, this year has really demonstrated the power of mindset and thought work for me.

Wisdom #2 – Mindset work feels impossible when I’m not emotionally, mentally, and physically well.

Those of you who feel irritated with me when I say “mindset is everything” – this one might resonate with you.

If someone had told me 8 years ago that “mindset was everything” I might have rolled my eyes, covertly flipped them off, and then walked away feeling less-than. For one thing I didn’t really understand the nuance of mindset and thought work. Additionally, I wasn’t in a great place emotionally or mentally, so my automatic thoughts weren’t always very positive. I thought that those automatic were MY thoughts, that because I was thinking them that they were true to me. So trying to just “look on the bright side” when I didn’t see much of a bright side felt fake.

I didn’t understand yet that many of my thoughts were stemming from old beliefs about myself and about the world. Some were judgmental, some were self-limiting, some were just really negative. Some were based in fear and worry instead of hope and trust. I didn’t know yet that holding onto those thoughts and beliefs was optional. And even if someone had told me that they were optional, I’m not sure if I had a strong enough emotional foundation to even comprehend that idea.

What I now realize is that my mindset affects my overall wellness AND that my overall wellness affects my ability to work on my mindset. They’re connected and can support each other in lifting me up or holding me back. In order for me to be at a place where I can take advantage of the power of a positive mindset, I have to be well. Understanding this has been huge for me.

So, what have I been doing to take care of my emotional, mental, and physical health over the past year? Here are a few of my most important habits:

• A consistent morning routine – this includes some combination of journaling, stretching, meditating, and/or exercising. Because doing all 4 of those would force me to get up way earlier than my body wants to, I make sure to do at least 2 of them each morning. And obviously, coffee is always involved. I cannot recommend a consistent morning routine strongly enough.
• Eating in a way that supports my energy levels. For me this generally means less sugar, less processed foods, less flour, and not eating more than my body needs.
• Getting regular physical exercise. This is really important for my body. Running, walking, biking, playing, yoga. Being outside as much as possible. The pandemic has forced me into winter running and I am actually learning to enjoy a 15 degree morning run, kind of.
• Drinking less alcohol. Getting older is hard. My body gets mad at me when I drink these days, which is kind of a bummer, but I am accepting that reality. I feel better when I drink less, so I am drinking less. 
• Prioritizing quality sleep. Going to bed around the same time each night, a nice new king sized bed, avoiding screens near bedtime, and no caffeine after noon are all things that help with this. Sleep is critical to my wellness so I make sure to prioritize it always. 

Wisdom #3 – The pace of pandemic life has suited me.

This one was easy to admit to myself but I feel guilty admitting it to you, because it feels gross to say that I’ve benefited from something that has caused so much pain and suffering to others. I feel deep sorrow for the suffering brought by coronavirus, but I’m also very aware of the positive effect the pace of this year has had on me. Maybe I can declare a Wisdom #3a, which is that: it’s ok to hold 2 truths at the same time. I can feel sadness, concern, and sorrow for those who are suffering and simultaneously recognize the positives that the pandemic has brought to my life.

The pace of pandemic life suits me. I love that life has slowed down, that I am almost never rushing from place to place, and that I have so much more time for myself and my family. I’m an introvert. I’ve known this about myself for a long time and for years I’ve been working to nurture and care for the introvert inside of me while living in a world that often feels like it’s made for extroverts. Being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m shy, quiet, or that I don’t like people. It means that being around people all the time takes a lot of energy and that I need alone time to recharge. It means that I usually prefer being alone or with one or two people over larger social gatherings. In the pre-pandemic world I often felt exhausted at the end of the day. I would come home from work and I had a strong desire to be alone and recharge. But I’m a mom and a wife (who happens to be married to an extrovert) and it often felt like I didn’t have energy left for my kids and husband at the end of the day. I had never connected this exhaustion to being an introvert – I just knew I was exhausted by the events of each day. 

But this year has been so different. I’m not exhausted at the end of each day. I have more space, time, and energy for my family and for my personal growth. I feel more present and more grounded, and quite honestly more content. Slowing down and having fewer commitments has been really good for me. Now I just need to figure out how to carry this with me when we move back into a more fast paced version of life. Maybe that will be part of my wisdom for next year =)

Thanks for taking the time to read my birthday wisdom. I hope that on your birthday this year you’ll take time to reflect back on the previous 12 months and come up with a nugget (or three) of your own birthday wisdom and share it with your loved ones. Then share it with me too! I always love hearing and learning from and being inspired by the birthday wisdom of others.

Stay warm and stay well!